The problem of alcoholism in families is common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband, it turns out that there are alcoholics in 30% of our families - this figure is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol abuse has a bad effect on the whole family, and a large number of such families are already a social problem. Families where a man drinks are more likely to be socially disadvantaged, and children in such families suffer. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.
The main reason my husband started drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure, and the second is addiction. However, by drinking for pleasure, a man who drinks has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why the husband started drinking are as follows:
- Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, together, for the mood. A glass of beer on a summer picnic, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve, or a cocktail or two at the bar on the weekend - there seems to be nothing wrong with it.
- tradition. Men in our country grow up in a constant drinking culture: it's customary to drink on holidays, if something important happens, the first thing you need to do is get drunk, and people in the company don't trust people who don't drink. .
- Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, loosen up and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol; in this way they overcome shyness.
- Pressure. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist, and the culture imposes on a man the image of a brutal, masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but have to hide their feelings, and drinking alcohol becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the onset and progression of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs
Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example on holidays. It happens that they go beyond the limits. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked to psychologists by the man's wife. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it's time to take action.
Normal use
If a man drinks not occasionally, but often and often, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If the husband drinks every day, even a little, this is a sign of addiction. It is also important what drink he drinks and in what quantity. Two liters of beer every evening is a lot.
Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first case of use resulted in severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink. "Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases, and a man can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms appear, or a hangover - feeling unwell the next day. In the final stages of alcoholism, tolerance to alcohol decreases again - to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniff the cork. "And the withdrawal syndrome becomes noticeable and painful, there is a strong desire for alcohol and a desire to experience a hangover - drink a little torelieve pain. The habit of drunkenness becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The emergence of binges
Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol for several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters a typical drinking cycle: every morning he feels bad, gets hungover, then drinks during the day and again gets very drunk, and the next day he feels bad again and everything repeats itself. With prolonged alcohol use, mental disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", an altered state of consciousness, accompanied by severe agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression, and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Frequent drunkenness leads to gradual personal changes that loved ones cannot see, but addiction specialists are well aware of. The changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakness of will, inability to resist desire;
- Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- Inability to take responsibility for one's actions;
- Lie to loved ones and deceive yourself.
Over time, an alcoholic man turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, cannot control his actions, it is impossible to rely on him - after all, at any moment he can get drunk, forget an agreement, spend. money or showing aggression towards loved ones : In this case it becomes dangerous. A drunken alcoholic repents of his drunken actions and experiences feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or strong disappointment, which again prompts him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understood that something bad was happening, but he couldn't do anything. Often, wives of addicted husbands say about them: "He's very nice when he's sober, but when he drinks, he's a different person. "
Social consequences
Usually, the relatives of an alcoholic man hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there are times when it is difficult to do. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that get him fired. When drunk, he can commit various offenses or get injured. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from him. Gradually, the people around him began to avoid him, and his entire social circle was limited to alcoholic friends. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of that vicious circle.
Mistakes often made by wives with husbands who drink
Psychologists call wives of alcoholic husbands "codependent. "This term means the addict's relatives who are closely related to them and whose soul is also definitely changed. Their behavior changes in such a way that, even against their will, contributes to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes made by alcoholic wives:
- Accusations. Of course the drunken man's behavior and the consequences do not please the wife. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their conscience. Therefore, they only support the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- Attempts to hide problems from others. Often, a wife protects her husband in front of relatives, makes excuses for her superiors, and solves all problems herself. Or insist that he drinks at home, locked up - it's safer.
- Supporting the lifestyle of an addict: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover his health" from drunkenness, give him money to drink, find him among his alcoholic friends and bring him home. Sometimes he drinks with it - because of the idea that in this way he will drink less.
- Pity the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they were never fulfilled.
- Ignoring the problem: because the husband is good when he doesn't drink, the wife puts up with his drunken behavior.
Often in a codependent family one can see a situation where a wife seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him an ultimatum, denies him money or sex, and starts scandals. But at the same time, all his attempts had no effect: the husband just drank more, and the wife had a harder time. But he received a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who knew about the situation. Compared to her husband, to the people around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr; people sympathize with him and empathize with him. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists
If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to bear this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and get out. Moreover, a drunken husband often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. Everyone who is close to alcohol needs to be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Do not forget that there are no former alcoholics. To avoid provocation, never have alcohol in your home again.
- Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last moment. Sometimes, after a frightening or painful experience, a drinker wants to quit, but his resolve weakens—until the next time. Narcologists can help – cleanse the blood of toxins, relieve serious physical conditions, improve your well-being with the help of medicines. Next, psychotherapists should work with addicts, because psychological dependence is more difficult to overcome than physical dependence.
- It is important to establish relationships. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't need to be a psychologist for your husband. It is better to entrust mental problems to experts.
- Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag recovering people back to their swamp should be cut out of your life.
- Don't take it all on yourself. Don't give your husband money, don't hide your problems in front of your relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around family problems.
- Don't shame a man and don't feel sorry for him. If you see that he is trying to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good efforts. But insist if he reaches for the bottle again.
Remember that it is difficult to solve alcohol problems in the family alone. Get help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.
Traditional methods of treating alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into drugs and psychotherapy.
With the help of medicine, the doctor can:
- Relieves hangovers;
- Improves well-being, supports the function of internal organs;
- Cleanses the blood from toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
- Reduce the desire for alcohol consumption - the so-called replacement therapy.
Psychotherapy helps reduce psychological dependence. This includes:
- Coding: the doctor orders the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the drug coding method was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of alcohol, which, when alcohol enters the bloodstream, will release poison, which leads to the death of the patient.
- Classic hypnosis: the psychotherapist instructs not to drink or desire alcohol. This method is similar to coding, but a little softer, because it does not include threats to health or life if used.
- NLP, or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's perceptual channels - auditory, visual and tactile - to strengthen the desired response in him and reduce the desire for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): psychotherapists deeply analyze the addict's psychological problems and show ways to solve them, helping to learn new ways of behaving.
Alternative medicine
Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies that cause strong reactions in the body when used with alcohol. For example, mushrooms, delicious and harmless, even with small doses of alcohol cause severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With prolonged use, the active ingredients of mushrooms accumulate in the body and are not completely removed, giving a characteristic reaction to each intake of alcohol. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics from addiction.
To relieve the painful state of alcohol intoxication, folk remedies are also used: decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, cabbage mix and pomegranate juice.
All kinds of conspiracies and slanders about water "so that the husband does not drink", prayers, admonitions against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among the public, but their effectiveness has not been proven.
Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?
Some wives, seeing that their husbands will not stop drinking alcohol, try to free him from the bad habit themselves without his knowledge. For example, they add some medicine to food and drink. This is quite dangerous, and doctors do not recommend doing this.
To stop drinking, an addict must want it himself, realizing that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships, and life. But this does not happen often. Addiction changes the soul in such a way that the alcoholic tries not to stop drinking.
However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can do at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and just rely on him. He needs to realize his position as a victim and change his way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not be responsible for other adults. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a dangerous addiction that destroys lives and families. To change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.
How do you know when it's time to get help from a narcologist?
There are several characteristic signs by which one can definitely say that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. This includes:
- Frequent and regular use with painful hangovers;
- Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Drinking alone at home (drinking quietly at home can later lead to severe alcohol addiction);
- Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (the husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
- A multi-day party from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.
All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous level of alcoholism, when the addict needs immediate professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will develop rapidly with the worst consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the lives and health of all family members, it is better to see a doctor immediately.